By Kyle Wilson, '07 | Entertainment Editor

Okay, you know what? I’m not going to write this review like I would a normal review. Grindhouse is different. Grindhouse is composed of two movies. Rodriguez’ Planet Terror is about zombies and Tarantino’s Death Proof is about an insane stuntman who kills people with his car. That takes care of plot description.

Now for the important question. Should you, as a purveyor of cinema, see this movie? Well, here’s the thing. It is, much like the exploitation cinema of the 70s it is based upon, extremely violent, sexual and sadistic.

So being, it is difficult to just say “Go and see it.” So, instead, I have comprised a list for you, called Kyle’s 15 Grindhouse Uh-Ohs. The prospect of my list is simple. If you are offended by any of these things, then Grindhouse probably isn’t for you.

If these things don’t bother you, then first off you probably need therapy, and second off Grindhouse will probably entertain you.

So, please, do not see this movie if you are offended by:

1)      A Mexican priest who has a hidden arsenal and shoots a lot of people.

2)      A Middle-Eastern scientist who has a collection of his enemy’s testicles.

3)      A scene which shows said scientist collecting some more testicles.

4)      A graphic visual depiction of diseased genitals.

5)      A man’s tongue exploding into a doctor’s face.

6)      A woman graphically breaking her hand in a car door handle.

7)      A young boy shooting himself in the face.

8)      A dog graphically getting run over by a truck.

9)      A soldier threatening to rape a woman with his slowly dissolving genitals.

10)  A soldier inflating to massive proportions due to his zombie infections, growing massive boils and cancers on his body.

11)  The Middle Eastern scientist getting shot in the head, which causes his head to split in two.

12)  A serial killer putting his knife through a trampoline as the girl who is jumping on it does a split and lands on it.

13)  The same serial killer baking and trussing up a dead body like a turkey.

14)  The same serial killer raping a roast turkey.

15)  A graphic traffic accident which shows a woman being ejected from her vehicle like a rag doll, a woman getting crushed in the driver’s seat, a woman getting the leg she was sticking out the window severed, and a woman getting her face run over and shredded as another car goes over their car.

Now, if any of those things make you nauseous, queasy or generally ill to the stomach, Grindhouse may not be your idea of a good time. However, if you do not find those things listed as off putting, or in fact you find it attractive to watch such things in the theater, well then Godspeed good soul. A wealth of gore and sex awaits you, at the Grindhouse.